Hey guys!
So I have downloaded and tried a few apps to see how they would help with my high-functioning anxiety. Although they promise to boost your mental health, none of them are going to 'fix' (lol) you. They are just a support and for some people it may help. But the only way your gonna know is if you give them a go! Quick discloser - I have an IPhone, so I have not tested the andriod versions of these apps.

Here is my top 5 fighter apps.

No. 5 - 7 Cups
Free, anonymous, and confidential online text chat with trained listeners, online therapists and counselors.

https://www.7cups.com/

Choose your own listener, get online therapy in your anonymous private room, connect and talk to strangers in community chat groups, and make emotional wellness a daily habit by following your growth plan.




No. 4 - Project Toe

 This app has the same risks as 7 Cups, but what I loved about it is how you can join a support group, or start your own. All the people in your support group are struggling through the same mess, and understand where your coming from. The ones I joined were full of amazing people, and the leader posted daily reminders and encouragments, they all shared how they were feeling each day and commented on each others day to offer support.
The all round support from each person was incredible. You could make lifelong friends on this app.
Although it has the same risks as 7 Cups, there are multiple people in every support group, so if someone bullied or put you down, there would be someone else to stick up for you and have your back. So, I do see this as less threatening because there is the accountability to the group.

I give this app 4/5 stars.


No. 3 - What's Up?

What's Up? is a fantastic free app utilising some of the best CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) methods to help you cope with Depression, Anxiety, Anger, Stress and more! With a beautiful, modern design, simple heading and easy-to-follow methods, you can get to what helps you the most in seconds!



No. 2 - Vent



Express how you REALLY feel. Vent helps you connect to a supportive, positive, and understanding community, making it easy to share your true feelings with people around the world.

http://www.vent.co/


Ever get those intense emotions, but you feel like there not big enough to worry your friends and family with? Venting helps get out those emotions, gain a little support, and just feel heard when you just need to go on about that break up, that workplace bitch, highschool and uni stress, or anxiety. Vent has a whole colour coded sections of emotions, where you can easily find how your feeling, then write a couple of sentences as you vent that emotion. As soon as you have vented, someone might favourite your vent, or hug your vent. When your sad and you get three others hug you, gosh sometimes that kind of support can mean just as much as a real hug.

I used this app when I needed to get emotions off of my chest about the people closest to me. I knew they couldnt know how I felt, but I still needed to be able to say it to someone.

Using this app every day is awesome, but it can keep you in low moods. Most people are on there to vent negative emotions, and that can pull you down into your own low moods. So, I have learnt to be careful how much venting I do.

I absolutely love this app, and its my first go to suggestion for anyone with a mental illness. Being able to honestly, anonymously state how you are really feeling -priceless.

I do wish it was password protected though.

I rate this app, 5/5.



No. 1 - Pacifica


This is my all-time, absolutely favourite and great all rounder app for most things mental health. Its very much like whats up?, but with added meditation exercises, breathing exercises, and the ability to track your feelings with ease, and it comes with password protection. Thats right, you can add a 4 numeric passcode to enter this app, which means it keeps all your info private.

My favourite part of this app is the hope board. The hope board is where you can add quotes, happy moments and memories, until you have filled it with all these great things and go back a reflect on good times when your needing a pick up.

There is also a community on this app, different forums for different topics where you can anonymously post about how you cope, or a quote that people can add to your hope board, and specific help for bad days.

My second favourite part of this app is how you can explore your toxic thoughts and reinvent them. You write in how you are feeling, as much as you can about how you feel at that particular moment. Then a list of toxic thinking labels come up, and you go through what you have written and label each sentence. Then it will show you how you could rewrite those thoughts. Then those thoughts save, and you can go back to them at any time.

When you tell this app how you are feeling, it will immediatly give you a suggestion of what you can do to improve your mood. Whether its a certain meditation excercise or breathing excercise, it picks the perfect one for what you are needing. I have found this very helpful. The meditations are not too long at all, and quite easy to do inbetween classes or on the way to work.

This app sends you notifications asking you, 'How are you feeling?' also making you feel like you have somewhere to go that wont judge you but support you.

Obviously, for me this is a 5/5.


Thanks for reading this post! Let me know what your favourite mental health apps are in the comments! <3

This is my personal story of how I came to realise I had high-functioning anxiety, to how I learnt to cope with it daily. 

"A person who experiences functional anxiety experiences remains able to move through daily activities without the burden of constant, severe anxiety," says clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly over email. "As such, an individual with functional anxiety may function and engage in life activities without the effects of anxiety being highly obvious. In fact, a person with functional anxiety may appear to be very calm. However, a person living with functional anxiety often finds that anxiety 'leaks out' in the form of nervous tics, perfectionism, over-achievement, or controlling habits." (Credit - https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-might-have-a-high-functioning-anxiety-disorder-dont-even-realize-it-38777). 

Part one cont.

That year when everything went bad...
I didnt understand myself, my emotions. I was confused. Hurt, not sure by what. And the smallest things sent my head spinning and my heart racing.

In that year I also went to counselling. I wanted so bad to get back to the healthy self I thought I was before my sickness. While I did counselling, I realised about how bad and negative my self talk was. I constantly told myself I wasnt good enough, that I was a failure, and that I had failed everyone in my life. My counsellor helped me realise that no one in my life had actually called me these things, and that I was the one putting massive expectations of myself.

In this year I also started dating my now husband, Joshua. He was very mentally strong, and very understanding. Many times he was the one I called as I was having a panic attack. He was the one who held me, and the only one who knew how much I cried. I honestly believe that God planned him to come into my life right at this moment, because without Joshua, and without his love I dont know where I would have gotten the strength to fight.

So, through counselling I learnt to control my self-talk, and I learnt to look after myself. I learnt breathing exercises and physical ways to stop an oncoming panic attack. I realised that the giant expectations I put on myself were stupid, and I started having a whole day each week where I would just rest. That was my job that day, my task. I bought bath bombs and learnt to relax for an hour in a bath. I started eating healthier, which gave me more energy and helped build my immune system back up.

My doctor told me that I would probably have glandular fever for the next five years, or even more. And I can tell you that because of the self care and the rest days I gave myself, that I got on top of my glandular fever very quickly, and it only flared up once in the last year.

Now, I use my tools daily. When I am at work and I feel myself getting stressed, I use my breathing exercises and make sure I take a bath when I get home. I reach out to my husband for hugs, and emotional support. He prays for  me, brings me back to reality when my negative self talk gets bad, and he keeps me on track when he sees I am getting tired.

And now, one of my biggest coping strategies is actually helping others. Since creating this blog and the instagram page, I feel like I am making a positive impact for a handful of people. And that calms me more than anything else I have ever done. It also helps me to not grow lazy in daily fighting my mental illness, because I know that I want to stay strong so I can keep helping you guys. So I keep looking after myself, so that I have enough to help others.

This is my personal story of how I came to realise I had high-functioning anxiety, to how I learnt to cope with it daily. 

"A person who experiences functional anxiety experiences remains able to move through daily activities without the burden of constant, severe anxiety," says clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly over email. "As such, an individual with functional anxiety may function and engage in life activities without the effects of anxiety being highly obvious. In fact, a person with functional anxiety may appear to be very calm. However, a person living with functional anxiety often finds that anxiety 'leaks out' in the form of nervous tics, perfectionism, over-achievement, or controlling habits." (Credit - https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-might-have-a-high-functioning-anxiety-disorder-dont-even-realize-it-38777). 

So, hi my name is Melinda. And I have high-functioning anxiety.
Most of the people who know me would never even dream that I have a mental illness. I hide it to cope, but I also hide it because part of high-functioning anxiety is to fake being a strong person constantly, fake it until no one would ever guess of the inward struggles I fight every day.

Anyway, Ill back up a bit.

Even as a child I had controlling habits. I also remember having depersonalisation moments, when I felt like I was viewing my life as an outsider, like watching a movie of my own life.

In my teenaged years I became super busy. I was called a perfectionst, an overachiever. I had a to do list every day, and if I did not complete that to do list I felt like a failure. I felt like I could never rest because there was always so much to be done. I could not miss one opportunity to accomplish something. I was afraid of failure. My greatest fear is failing in a job, or failing my family and friends. Honestly, it scars the shit out of me and was the reason of many of my panic attacks that came later.

I learnt that this routine busyness was destroying my health. I tried to pull back, but this nervous energy kept taking over. How could I rest?

It also affected my friendships. I poured all my energy, love and care into my family and my friendships, I was there for my friends all the time, no matter how I was feeling or what prior committments I had. Because of this, I had friends who leached off me. Friends who drained me emotionally, to the point were I had nothing left.

When I turned eighteen, everything came to a head. I was completely emotionally drained, I had nothing left and I was totally burnt out. Then I got extremely ill, because I had pushed my body so far that it literally fell to pieces because it needed some rest. I got glandular fever, which left me bed ridden for weeks, and I cannot explain how much of a failure I felt. I was in bed for weeks, I could not even check my phone without feeling intense nausea. I could not accomplish anything. I cried everyday, because I was not contributing anything to anyone anymore. All my self-worth had been tied up in what I could do. And when that was taken away from me, I questioned my self worth, my identity, and my ability.

I also started having panic attacks. Not large ones, but at least once every two weeks I would sit inside my clothes cupboard and rock back and forth crying for an hour while my heart raced so rapidly. I started crying daily, falling asleep most nights with tears in my eyes. No one ever saw me cry ever. Every one still believed I was the strong, logical unemotional Melinda.

This was the scariest moment. When I didnt know what was going on.
I didnt understand myself, and I definitely didnt understand my emotions.

Make sure you check out the second part to my story in a couple days!

Keep struggling <3

About two years ago I thought that everyone must hate me just a little bit. I mean I was always letting my friends down. I couldn't call them back when I was working to make sure they were okay. I couldn't hang out with one friend, because I had already organised to be with the other. I told myself that it was my fault because I should have enough time for everyone.

I finally confessed how I was feeling to one of my closest friends one day. And she told me that she had never ever thought that way about me. She said I had actually been there for her when she needed it the most. She told me that not once had she hated me for not hanging out with her or replying to her text message quick enough.

I had no idea what to think. Where did I get this idea from that my friends secretly hated me? I thought about it a lot after we had that conversation. And I had a realisation.

My friends were not putting expectations on me. I was putting the expectations onto myself.
My friends didn't hate me. I hated myself.
I wanted my friends to forgive me, but it was me who actually needed to forgive myself.

We are so quick to forgive our best friends of almost anything. But if we mess up, how much do we actually forgive ourselves?

I realised that I had never forgiven myself for every mistake I had made. I thought I was trash because I let myself make mistakes over and over again. But then I was forgiving my friends for the same mistakes that I could not forgive myself for.

Sometimes, we need to give ourselves a little space to make mistakes. Sometimes, we need to love ourselves a little bit extra when we mess up. Sometimes, we need to take a big deep breath in, and actually forgive ourselves.

Once I had worked this out, I started trying to name and forgive myself for all of these things. I started allowing myself to make mistakes if I learnt from them. I started thinking of giving time for my own emotional health instead of 24/7 thinking of everyone else's mental health.

We are all human. We all mess up. We forgive each other. But we forget to forgive ourselves.
Do not be so hard on yourself. Say it out loud.

'I forgive, me.'

Keep struggling <3

Most people believe that mental illness means that a person has failed in looking after themselves, has a personality defect, or just isnt trying hard enough. With 1 in 4 adults suffering from a mental illness, these wrong ideas hit us pretty hard and make us feel like a failure before we even begin trying to fight our mental illness. But, science can point us in a very different direction. Studies of the brain have pointed to causes of mental illness that have nothing to do with your personality or failures. Instead, imbalances of chemicals in the brain are found to be a cause.


Image source: www.bestmastersinpsychology.com
This inforgraphic shows us why medication is sometimes a lifesaver. It can be way out of our control to cope when these chemical imbalances affect us. Medication is able to go straight to the problem and level out those imbalances making it easier for us to cope, and easier to fight your mental illness on your terms. Think of it in the way that it weakens your opponent, making it easier to land your punches effectively and win the game. Stigma says that if you rely on medication then you are not truly doing it for yourself, and you must be so weak that you can even fight your mental illness by yourself. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. Medication is a tool, and your gonna need a whole toolbox to fight mental illness. Why wouldn't you use all the tools in the toolbox to give yourself a better chance? Do not listen to society's opinions, they are so wrong. Medication can really help, so dont rob yourself from its blessing.

Research into brain chemistry has gone even further, finding that we can actually rewire our own brains, using different process'. Meaning, no matter how tired, how old or how young, we have a chance to effectively battle mental illness.

Credit: http://www.katsioulis.com/rewiring-the-brain-infographic

Our brain has connections called neural pathways. Each of these pathways is related to a habit, activity of way of thinking. I have a neural pathway for self worth. I have a neural pathway for piano playing. Everything we do has its very own pathway in our brain. When we use these pathways a lot, like when something becomes a habit, these pathways become wider and stronger.

When I was sixteen, I watched my best friends struggle with suicidal thoughts and I worried every day that they might go through with it.

In my counselling subjects, we talk a lot about reframing certain ideas to stop them from being toxic and re-carve them into something that can be encouraging and positive. Ive started to notice that since learning about this, I have actually started doing it to myself and my own thoughts. And it has actually helped get rid of some of my toxic thoughts.

Reframing is when a counsellor takes something you say, and gives it context and a different viewpoint on it. It also stop generalisation of toxic thoughts. Here are some examples.

'I am always ugly'.

Reframing-  (Context) 'But isn't it society that is telling you that you are ugly? Isn't it advertising, music videos and fashion that tell you that the only way to being beautiful is only one way? They tell you to act, dress and behave one specific way otherwise your not considered beautiful.

Reframing- (Generalisation)- 'You feel ugly, because of societal expectations, you are not ugly'.

I want you to think of a toxic thought, right now that starts with 'I feel...'

Have you thought of one?

I feel _________

Now I want you to say to yourself-

Just because I feel ________ does not mean that that is the truth, and it does not mean that that is what I am.

Now try applying some context to your toxic thought. Why do you think you have this thought in the first place? Should you really be blaming yourself, or did it come from a situation outside of your control?

I know I feel __________ because of ____________________

You can use this for a whole bunch of toxic thoughts and feelings, and best part is the more you reframe your thoughts into a healthier way of thinking, the less they even pop up in your brain to begin with.

So I challenge you, think of a few more thoughts and fill out those blanks again.

Keep on struggling <3

Before I even say anything I want to say this-

Being thankful does not 'solve' or 'fix' ANY mental illness. You cannot tell someone with depression to just be grateful for what they have, because that does not help anything. Most people struggling with depression are actually thankful people, but they are thankful people that are struggling with chemical imbalances in their brains. I will never tell you to be thankful and it will just fix all negative thoughts. It never works like that.

But what I do want to tell you, is that specifically counting each thing your thankful for at a certain time every day can be beneficial to your emotional and mental health. Making it a habit to have a list of thankfulness, can help some to ground themselves into reality, and also helps to fight the negative demons in our heads.

What do I mean by grounding yourself?
Some mental illnesses, such as depression and anxiety, can force an individual into a stressful, overwhelming reality where everything and everyone is out to hurt or take something away. When I go into a panic attack, I know I am not thinking straight and that my mind is freaking out over some tiny thing, but I cannot stop it. I know that I am being unrealistic, but I cannot stop myself from hyperventilating and rocking back and forth. Now, in those moments doing something that grounds you, that brings you back to whats real and whats not can be the difference between having a panic attack and not having one.

So listing things you are thankful for in your life, it can be used as a distraction. Distracting your mind from focussing on what is freaking you out means you can take the first step in maybe avoiding that panic attack.

Listing what you are thankful for can untwist the generalised lies. Lies in your head such as 'Ill never be pretty', but then you are saying you are 'thankful for that new dress you bought' because you actually do feel a bit pretty in it. It means the lie changes to 'sometimes I am not pretty', but it is not 'all the time I am not pretty'. Can you see how that would help?

Finding what you are thankful for also helps keeps the negativity from taking over. It is cliche, I know, to focus on the silver lining on every dark cloud. But I am not saying that its all happiness and rainbows and sunshine, I'm saying you can keep the negativity from taking over. It is still there, and it will always be there in our lives to be honest. But if you can keep the positive thoughts, the thankful thoughts as your focus it means that at that moment, the negatives don't have control over you.

In the past I did a thankfulness challenge. For a month, every day I posted on Facebook three words, three things to be thankful for. Some days it was easy. Other days it was a lot harder. But they dont have to be big things, just simple small things.
Some days my list was: 1. rain, 2. coffee, 3. breathing.

I recommend starting a thankfulness journal. Everyday, write in three small things you are thankful for. You cannot repeat and say the same thing twice. And when you feel like the negativity and the overwhelming demons are coming, open it and read all the things you are thankful for. It will bring back happy memories, and times when you felt okay.

Sometimes all we need is a happy memory to bring us back to why we fight to have more good days than bad days.

Keep struggling <3

I ordered a smaller, portable version of the fidget cube. I have anxiety, and it often shows itself through playing with my hair, scratching cuts and bites, and nervous shaking. Can I say I loved the feel of all the buttons, and especially the top round disc (as pictured). Running my figure around and around on that and also flicking it was my absolutely favourite.

These are easy and portable, you can use it with one hand comfortably while doing something with your other hand. The most I think I will use it will be at University, during long lectures where sitting and listening is hard. This takes off your nervous energy, but also has the absolutely satisfying feeling like clicking a pen, peeling off dried glue, or even popping a pimple. In one of my sisters school classes, she has a few toxic people which all the in the same room together can be quite stressful for her. So, she is looking forward to using that then to keep her calm and able to concentrate more on the learning.

Unfortunately, for me this is impossible for me to take it to work. In my workplace environment I would be asked to many questions about what it is for, it would stick out of my pocket too much and I use both my hands most of the time. To use this idea in the shape of a pen, or something else that does not draw unwanted attention would be really great. I can imagine being on the verge of a panic attack and digging this out in public only to have people ask me questions about it would not be helpful at all.

But overall, I give it a 9/10. All the buttons are very different, and its easy to chuck in your school bag or handbag. You can buy them directly off the Australian website, https://fidgetcubes.com.au/, otherwise eBay is also quite cheap when you buy from overseas sellers.

Definitely give it a try as a positive coping strategy, it will surprise you with how it feels and how it automatically starts calming nervous energy.