This is my personal story of how I came to realise I had high-functioning anxiety, to how I learnt to cope with it daily. 

"A person who experiences functional anxiety experiences remains able to move through daily activities without the burden of constant, severe anxiety," says clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly over email. "As such, an individual with functional anxiety may function and engage in life activities without the effects of anxiety being highly obvious. In fact, a person with functional anxiety may appear to be very calm. However, a person living with functional anxiety often finds that anxiety 'leaks out' in the form of nervous tics, perfectionism, over-achievement, or controlling habits." (Credit - https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-might-have-a-high-functioning-anxiety-disorder-dont-even-realize-it-38777). 

Part one cont.

That year when everything went bad...
I didnt understand myself, my emotions. I was confused. Hurt, not sure by what. And the smallest things sent my head spinning and my heart racing.

In that year I also went to counselling. I wanted so bad to get back to the healthy self I thought I was before my sickness. While I did counselling, I realised about how bad and negative my self talk was. I constantly told myself I wasnt good enough, that I was a failure, and that I had failed everyone in my life. My counsellor helped me realise that no one in my life had actually called me these things, and that I was the one putting massive expectations of myself.

In this year I also started dating my now husband, Joshua. He was very mentally strong, and very understanding. Many times he was the one I called as I was having a panic attack. He was the one who held me, and the only one who knew how much I cried. I honestly believe that God planned him to come into my life right at this moment, because without Joshua, and without his love I dont know where I would have gotten the strength to fight.

So, through counselling I learnt to control my self-talk, and I learnt to look after myself. I learnt breathing exercises and physical ways to stop an oncoming panic attack. I realised that the giant expectations I put on myself were stupid, and I started having a whole day each week where I would just rest. That was my job that day, my task. I bought bath bombs and learnt to relax for an hour in a bath. I started eating healthier, which gave me more energy and helped build my immune system back up.

My doctor told me that I would probably have glandular fever for the next five years, or even more. And I can tell you that because of the self care and the rest days I gave myself, that I got on top of my glandular fever very quickly, and it only flared up once in the last year.

Now, I use my tools daily. When I am at work and I feel myself getting stressed, I use my breathing exercises and make sure I take a bath when I get home. I reach out to my husband for hugs, and emotional support. He prays for  me, brings me back to reality when my negative self talk gets bad, and he keeps me on track when he sees I am getting tired.

And now, one of my biggest coping strategies is actually helping others. Since creating this blog and the instagram page, I feel like I am making a positive impact for a handful of people. And that calms me more than anything else I have ever done. It also helps me to not grow lazy in daily fighting my mental illness, because I know that I want to stay strong so I can keep helping you guys. So I keep looking after myself, so that I have enough to help others.

When I was sixteen, I watched my best friends struggle with suicidal thoughts and I worried every day that they might go through with it.

SLUT- (noun) Disparaging and Offensive. a sexually promiscuous woman, or a woman who behaves or dresses in an overtly sexual way.

Credit:  http://www.dictionary.com/browse/slut

You are walking down the street, you put an effort this morning into wearing a nice outfit and being creative with your make-up. You walk past some boys from your high school and as you pass them you hear them laughing, 'What a slut'.

You are sitting eating lunch at your workplace, your manager has it out for you and before you knew it spread a rumour that you slept around and even has an STD. Your fellow employee's start smiling every time you walk past them. And one of them even comes up to you and says, 'do you have any plans tonight, slut?'

Face it. Sometimes on a daily basis females are attacked with degrading, sexualised attacks on the way we dress, what our figures are like, and if we behave with confidence or not. Usually these attacks come in the form of a single word- SLUT.

But, the next time you are called a slut. I want you to remember these little facts.

The first time the word 'slut' was used. 
Geoffrey Chaucer, an amazing writer back in the 13th century wrote 'The Canterbury Tales', where the word 'sluttish' was used for the very first time in English history. However, the word was used to describe a male. This male was not dressed well and had an untidy appearance, maybe even some bed hair. And for that, he was called sluttish.

The history of the word 'slut'.
As history passed and the word changed into a term used only for a female prostitute or a kitchen maid. When used in reference to a kitchen maid, it literally was defined as someone who did a service or task for their lord or boss. It did not necessarily have sexual connotations. It was just meant as maid who did her job. However, the use of slut when referring to a female prostitute is where we get the meaning for slut today. Todays meaning for slut originated from that, but has also changed into not meaning 'paid sexual behaviour' but into a very loose and generalised 'sexual behaviour'. That means any female who demonstrates any sexual behaviour can be called a slut in the 21st century.

The definition is very generalised. 
When I say the word slut, I get the idea of someone thats showing a lot of skin, sleeps around with different men every night and uses her feminine features to get things from other people. However, you probably have a very different idea of what a slut is. I know some people believe certain dress styles are 'slutty' and high heel shoes often are called 'slutty' as well. You see, the definition for a slut is so general, it can cover almost anything. You could even be called a slut for wearing a bright colour . Because we all have a different idea of what defines the world slut. If this word can be used to degrade you simply for wearing a pair of shoes, do you really think you should allow it to hurt you? What other people think does not matter, and how they define it does not need to affect you. It shows you more how messed up they are to think that being a slut is simply an item of clothing or a confidence in the way you walk. They are the ones with a problem, it is not you.

There is no such thing as a sexually loose man- apparently. 
Did you know that in the 21st century, we have no male version of the word 'slut'? Slut is always used to refer to a woman. But there is no word that describes a sexually loose man. Even similar words such as hoe only have a female connotation. The only word to have no gender attached is 'prostitute'. Interestingly, society says that females are sluts if they are too sexual. Women are demeaned if they dress in a certain way, act too confident or have a healthy sex life. Yet, society says that if a man is not highly sexual, then he is not a real man. Men are told that something is wrong with them if they do not act like- well, like sluts.  So women are told they are sluts, and men are told to be real men. Does that sound right to you? Does that sound like gender equality?

So next time your called a slut. Laugh with them. Because the true facts are, society is has created this generalised, female only, degrading word to explain any type of sexual activity. You are an empowered female walking free of these labels, because they are not who you are. Don't let any male or female call you this, because it has never been true. Hold your head high, and laugh at them. Because they have got it so wrong.

Is force and violence an acceptable way to end conflict? What if it was used in self-defence, or when someone just won't listen? I want you to ponder these questions as I show you a very different approach to conflict. I am not saying it is truth. But it is a different outlook and something we should be considering. 

Credit: http://live999radio.com/review-hacksaw-ridge-r/