Here is an amazing interview with a father who struggles with bipolar disorder. You can find him on instagram @bipolardad1978, he shares his story today hoping that it can help and encourage you guys. I'm so excited to share this, it inspired me and gave me insight into what it is like to live with a bipolar disorder.


Tell us a little about yourself, what country you are from, where you live and who you are.
Hi my name is Adam. I'm 38 years old from the uk. I live in a small town called Kettering and I live with my 3 kids who live with me full time.

 Do you have any past pain that has held you back? How did you live with it?
I have some childhood issues one being a serious burn when I was very young from hot water filling a paddling pool in my family garden the strange thing being the lasting physical scars really don't cause any issues for me as they have always been a part of me in my whole living memory. There are other childhood memories that cause me more issues than this but not something that I'm going to go into right now. Suffice to say long term memories and issues have caused deep seated relationship issues and a lot of mistrust for people in positions of authority. It's bled into my work relationships and caused breakdowns of many personal relationships. I tried and live with it by locking it away but this caused things to get worse so you forgive but not forget and that's how I cope.

 What struggles do you face on a daily basis?
Every day is a struggle but it's not a struggle everyday, if that makes sense. I tried hard to be normal and fit in but eventually you have to let your true self talk. A few years ago I stopped pretending to be what I'm not and I think that has helped me manage my condition better. I've coped daily since around the age of 13 so I know my triggers and have some techniques I use to try and keep them manageable.

What mental illness(s) control your everyday life?
Bipolar disorder unspecified but rapid cycling. Although recently I have been looking in to the possibility it's BPD

 Since everyone is unique in the way they handle and are affected by mental illness, How does your mental illness(s) specifically affect you?

I'm affected a lot by anger, outbursts of hostility and sometimes being really rude or inappropriate. My disorder also means after an argument I will immediately snap back into happy mode usually and don't see a problem as I've dismissed the argument in my mind as necessary and not relevant as it's now done. Leaves other people hostile as in unpredictable. I suffer with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and all the other off shoots it entails.

What are your positive coping strategies?

I know how to get better and I have a strategy especially for big changes. I'm currently recovering from a relapse, due to previous experience I knew it was coming I felt the changes in my physical and mental health coming for a few months, I tried carrying on with work, running a home and daily living. But I was at the point of breaking down. So I had to take a step back from work. Remove myself fro the daily stressors that were bombarding me.
My coping plan is a few weeks rest getting my morning mind in a good place, reading, writing and listening to meditation. Then when I'm a little level I begin the physical recovery running and biking eating healthy and sticking to it as well as I can. I also draw a line in the sand and use the word No when thoughts run through my mind. Like a positive stopping mental mantra.

What activities help you disarm and fight your mental illness(s)?

Saying no to thoughts and feelings and saying no if I can't attend things and not feeling guilty about it and exercise to lift my mood it never fails, but also remembering that I will have off days and sometimes rest and self love are required.

Have you ever been to a counsellor/ psychologist/ psychotherapist? Do you felt it was a positive experience?
Physiologists have all been really poor and unhelpful. Spent years back and forth more and more meds I lost a year roughly where I slept constantly and pilled on weight constantly.
My best and life changing experience was through a volunteer counsellor at Kettering Mind. I was able to open up and relate and deal with things I believe to this day she saved my life.

 If you knew someone who was planning on committing suicide what would you say to them?

Simply it's your choice, you can choose or not choose to follow through with your actions. But the fact we are talking about it means that there is a chance we can find out why you are feeling there is no other option. Work out if we can change things to make life more bearable one day at a time. The last thing I would tell someone is don't do it. Because until we have spoken I don't pretend to know what's happening in your life and mind.

What would you say to others experiencing the same battles you face?
That you are stronger than you could ever know, maybe we were given these battles to face because we are strong enough to do it. Maybe you are doing this because someone else couldn't. Maybe everyone is battling something maybe you are not as alone as you think you are. Maybe by talking and opening up people will start telling you their stories and you can make a difference to their lives. Maybe just maybe we are here for each other for a reason

I am so grateful that you would share your story, Adam.  I was personally super encouraged by what you had to say, it helped me so I hope it helped some of you guys. If you are interested in sharing your story, please send me an email at: joshandmelsael@gmail.com.

Keep struggling <3

This is my personal story of how I came to realise I had high-functioning anxiety, to how I learnt to cope with it daily. 

"A person who experiences functional anxiety experiences remains able to move through daily activities without the burden of constant, severe anxiety," says clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly over email. "As such, an individual with functional anxiety may function and engage in life activities without the effects of anxiety being highly obvious. In fact, a person with functional anxiety may appear to be very calm. However, a person living with functional anxiety often finds that anxiety 'leaks out' in the form of nervous tics, perfectionism, over-achievement, or controlling habits." (Credit - https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-might-have-a-high-functioning-anxiety-disorder-dont-even-realize-it-38777). 

Part one cont.

That year when everything went bad...
I didnt understand myself, my emotions. I was confused. Hurt, not sure by what. And the smallest things sent my head spinning and my heart racing.

In that year I also went to counselling. I wanted so bad to get back to the healthy self I thought I was before my sickness. While I did counselling, I realised about how bad and negative my self talk was. I constantly told myself I wasnt good enough, that I was a failure, and that I had failed everyone in my life. My counsellor helped me realise that no one in my life had actually called me these things, and that I was the one putting massive expectations of myself.

In this year I also started dating my now husband, Joshua. He was very mentally strong, and very understanding. Many times he was the one I called as I was having a panic attack. He was the one who held me, and the only one who knew how much I cried. I honestly believe that God planned him to come into my life right at this moment, because without Joshua, and without his love I dont know where I would have gotten the strength to fight.

So, through counselling I learnt to control my self-talk, and I learnt to look after myself. I learnt breathing exercises and physical ways to stop an oncoming panic attack. I realised that the giant expectations I put on myself were stupid, and I started having a whole day each week where I would just rest. That was my job that day, my task. I bought bath bombs and learnt to relax for an hour in a bath. I started eating healthier, which gave me more energy and helped build my immune system back up.

My doctor told me that I would probably have glandular fever for the next five years, or even more. And I can tell you that because of the self care and the rest days I gave myself, that I got on top of my glandular fever very quickly, and it only flared up once in the last year.

Now, I use my tools daily. When I am at work and I feel myself getting stressed, I use my breathing exercises and make sure I take a bath when I get home. I reach out to my husband for hugs, and emotional support. He prays for  me, brings me back to reality when my negative self talk gets bad, and he keeps me on track when he sees I am getting tired.

And now, one of my biggest coping strategies is actually helping others. Since creating this blog and the instagram page, I feel like I am making a positive impact for a handful of people. And that calms me more than anything else I have ever done. It also helps me to not grow lazy in daily fighting my mental illness, because I know that I want to stay strong so I can keep helping you guys. So I keep looking after myself, so that I have enough to help others.

Most people believe that mental illness means that a person has failed in looking after themselves, has a personality defect, or just isnt trying hard enough. With 1 in 4 adults suffering from a mental illness, these wrong ideas hit us pretty hard and make us feel like a failure before we even begin trying to fight our mental illness. But, science can point us in a very different direction. Studies of the brain have pointed to causes of mental illness that have nothing to do with your personality or failures. Instead, imbalances of chemicals in the brain are found to be a cause.


Image source: www.bestmastersinpsychology.com
This inforgraphic shows us why medication is sometimes a lifesaver. It can be way out of our control to cope when these chemical imbalances affect us. Medication is able to go straight to the problem and level out those imbalances making it easier for us to cope, and easier to fight your mental illness on your terms. Think of it in the way that it weakens your opponent, making it easier to land your punches effectively and win the game. Stigma says that if you rely on medication then you are not truly doing it for yourself, and you must be so weak that you can even fight your mental illness by yourself. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. Medication is a tool, and your gonna need a whole toolbox to fight mental illness. Why wouldn't you use all the tools in the toolbox to give yourself a better chance? Do not listen to society's opinions, they are so wrong. Medication can really help, so dont rob yourself from its blessing.

Research into brain chemistry has gone even further, finding that we can actually rewire our own brains, using different process'. Meaning, no matter how tired, how old or how young, we have a chance to effectively battle mental illness.

Credit: http://www.katsioulis.com/rewiring-the-brain-infographic

Our brain has connections called neural pathways. Each of these pathways is related to a habit, activity of way of thinking. I have a neural pathway for self worth. I have a neural pathway for piano playing. Everything we do has its very own pathway in our brain. When we use these pathways a lot, like when something becomes a habit, these pathways become wider and stronger.

When I was sixteen, I watched my best friends struggle with suicidal thoughts and I worried every day that they might go through with it.