This is my personal story of how I came to realise I had high-functioning anxiety, to how I learnt to cope with it daily. 

"A person who experiences functional anxiety experiences remains able to move through daily activities without the burden of constant, severe anxiety," says clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly over email. "As such, an individual with functional anxiety may function and engage in life activities without the effects of anxiety being highly obvious. In fact, a person with functional anxiety may appear to be very calm. However, a person living with functional anxiety often finds that anxiety 'leaks out' in the form of nervous tics, perfectionism, over-achievement, or controlling habits." (Credit - https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-might-have-a-high-functioning-anxiety-disorder-dont-even-realize-it-38777). 

Part one cont.

That year when everything went bad...
I didnt understand myself, my emotions. I was confused. Hurt, not sure by what. And the smallest things sent my head spinning and my heart racing.

In that year I also went to counselling. I wanted so bad to get back to the healthy self I thought I was before my sickness. While I did counselling, I realised about how bad and negative my self talk was. I constantly told myself I wasnt good enough, that I was a failure, and that I had failed everyone in my life. My counsellor helped me realise that no one in my life had actually called me these things, and that I was the one putting massive expectations of myself.

In this year I also started dating my now husband, Joshua. He was very mentally strong, and very understanding. Many times he was the one I called as I was having a panic attack. He was the one who held me, and the only one who knew how much I cried. I honestly believe that God planned him to come into my life right at this moment, because without Joshua, and without his love I dont know where I would have gotten the strength to fight.

So, through counselling I learnt to control my self-talk, and I learnt to look after myself. I learnt breathing exercises and physical ways to stop an oncoming panic attack. I realised that the giant expectations I put on myself were stupid, and I started having a whole day each week where I would just rest. That was my job that day, my task. I bought bath bombs and learnt to relax for an hour in a bath. I started eating healthier, which gave me more energy and helped build my immune system back up.

My doctor told me that I would probably have glandular fever for the next five years, or even more. And I can tell you that because of the self care and the rest days I gave myself, that I got on top of my glandular fever very quickly, and it only flared up once in the last year.

Now, I use my tools daily. When I am at work and I feel myself getting stressed, I use my breathing exercises and make sure I take a bath when I get home. I reach out to my husband for hugs, and emotional support. He prays for  me, brings me back to reality when my negative self talk gets bad, and he keeps me on track when he sees I am getting tired.

And now, one of my biggest coping strategies is actually helping others. Since creating this blog and the instagram page, I feel like I am making a positive impact for a handful of people. And that calms me more than anything else I have ever done. It also helps me to not grow lazy in daily fighting my mental illness, because I know that I want to stay strong so I can keep helping you guys. So I keep looking after myself, so that I have enough to help others.