In my counselling subjects, we talk a lot about reframing certain ideas to stop them from being toxic and re-carve them into something that can be encouraging and positive. Ive started to notice that since learning about this, I have actually started doing it to myself and my own thoughts. And it has actually helped get rid of some of my toxic thoughts.

Reframing is when a counsellor takes something you say, and gives it context and a different viewpoint on it. It also stop generalisation of toxic thoughts. Here are some examples.

'I am always ugly'.

Reframing-  (Context) 'But isn't it society that is telling you that you are ugly? Isn't it advertising, music videos and fashion that tell you that the only way to being beautiful is only one way? They tell you to act, dress and behave one specific way otherwise your not considered beautiful.

Reframing- (Generalisation)- 'You feel ugly, because of societal expectations, you are not ugly'.

I want you to think of a toxic thought, right now that starts with 'I feel...'

Have you thought of one?

I feel _________

Now I want you to say to yourself-

Just because I feel ________ does not mean that that is the truth, and it does not mean that that is what I am.

Now try applying some context to your toxic thought. Why do you think you have this thought in the first place? Should you really be blaming yourself, or did it come from a situation outside of your control?

I know I feel __________ because of ____________________

You can use this for a whole bunch of toxic thoughts and feelings, and best part is the more you reframe your thoughts into a healthier way of thinking, the less they even pop up in your brain to begin with.

So I challenge you, think of a few more thoughts and fill out those blanks again.

Keep on struggling <3

Before I even say anything I want to say this-

Being thankful does not 'solve' or 'fix' ANY mental illness. You cannot tell someone with depression to just be grateful for what they have, because that does not help anything. Most people struggling with depression are actually thankful people, but they are thankful people that are struggling with chemical imbalances in their brains. I will never tell you to be thankful and it will just fix all negative thoughts. It never works like that.

But what I do want to tell you, is that specifically counting each thing your thankful for at a certain time every day can be beneficial to your emotional and mental health. Making it a habit to have a list of thankfulness, can help some to ground themselves into reality, and also helps to fight the negative demons in our heads.

What do I mean by grounding yourself?
Some mental illnesses, such as depression and anxiety, can force an individual into a stressful, overwhelming reality where everything and everyone is out to hurt or take something away. When I go into a panic attack, I know I am not thinking straight and that my mind is freaking out over some tiny thing, but I cannot stop it. I know that I am being unrealistic, but I cannot stop myself from hyperventilating and rocking back and forth. Now, in those moments doing something that grounds you, that brings you back to whats real and whats not can be the difference between having a panic attack and not having one.

So listing things you are thankful for in your life, it can be used as a distraction. Distracting your mind from focussing on what is freaking you out means you can take the first step in maybe avoiding that panic attack.

Listing what you are thankful for can untwist the generalised lies. Lies in your head such as 'Ill never be pretty', but then you are saying you are 'thankful for that new dress you bought' because you actually do feel a bit pretty in it. It means the lie changes to 'sometimes I am not pretty', but it is not 'all the time I am not pretty'. Can you see how that would help?

Finding what you are thankful for also helps keeps the negativity from taking over. It is cliche, I know, to focus on the silver lining on every dark cloud. But I am not saying that its all happiness and rainbows and sunshine, I'm saying you can keep the negativity from taking over. It is still there, and it will always be there in our lives to be honest. But if you can keep the positive thoughts, the thankful thoughts as your focus it means that at that moment, the negatives don't have control over you.

In the past I did a thankfulness challenge. For a month, every day I posted on Facebook three words, three things to be thankful for. Some days it was easy. Other days it was a lot harder. But they dont have to be big things, just simple small things.
Some days my list was: 1. rain, 2. coffee, 3. breathing.

I recommend starting a thankfulness journal. Everyday, write in three small things you are thankful for. You cannot repeat and say the same thing twice. And when you feel like the negativity and the overwhelming demons are coming, open it and read all the things you are thankful for. It will bring back happy memories, and times when you felt okay.

Sometimes all we need is a happy memory to bring us back to why we fight to have more good days than bad days.

Keep struggling <3

SLUT- (noun) Disparaging and Offensive. a sexually promiscuous woman, or a woman who behaves or dresses in an overtly sexual way.

Credit:  http://www.dictionary.com/browse/slut

You are walking down the street, you put an effort this morning into wearing a nice outfit and being creative with your make-up. You walk past some boys from your high school and as you pass them you hear them laughing, 'What a slut'.

You are sitting eating lunch at your workplace, your manager has it out for you and before you knew it spread a rumour that you slept around and even has an STD. Your fellow employee's start smiling every time you walk past them. And one of them even comes up to you and says, 'do you have any plans tonight, slut?'

Face it. Sometimes on a daily basis females are attacked with degrading, sexualised attacks on the way we dress, what our figures are like, and if we behave with confidence or not. Usually these attacks come in the form of a single word- SLUT.

But, the next time you are called a slut. I want you to remember these little facts.

The first time the word 'slut' was used. 
Geoffrey Chaucer, an amazing writer back in the 13th century wrote 'The Canterbury Tales', where the word 'sluttish' was used for the very first time in English history. However, the word was used to describe a male. This male was not dressed well and had an untidy appearance, maybe even some bed hair. And for that, he was called sluttish.

The history of the word 'slut'.
As history passed and the word changed into a term used only for a female prostitute or a kitchen maid. When used in reference to a kitchen maid, it literally was defined as someone who did a service or task for their lord or boss. It did not necessarily have sexual connotations. It was just meant as maid who did her job. However, the use of slut when referring to a female prostitute is where we get the meaning for slut today. Todays meaning for slut originated from that, but has also changed into not meaning 'paid sexual behaviour' but into a very loose and generalised 'sexual behaviour'. That means any female who demonstrates any sexual behaviour can be called a slut in the 21st century.

The definition is very generalised. 
When I say the word slut, I get the idea of someone thats showing a lot of skin, sleeps around with different men every night and uses her feminine features to get things from other people. However, you probably have a very different idea of what a slut is. I know some people believe certain dress styles are 'slutty' and high heel shoes often are called 'slutty' as well. You see, the definition for a slut is so general, it can cover almost anything. You could even be called a slut for wearing a bright colour . Because we all have a different idea of what defines the world slut. If this word can be used to degrade you simply for wearing a pair of shoes, do you really think you should allow it to hurt you? What other people think does not matter, and how they define it does not need to affect you. It shows you more how messed up they are to think that being a slut is simply an item of clothing or a confidence in the way you walk. They are the ones with a problem, it is not you.

There is no such thing as a sexually loose man- apparently. 
Did you know that in the 21st century, we have no male version of the word 'slut'? Slut is always used to refer to a woman. But there is no word that describes a sexually loose man. Even similar words such as hoe only have a female connotation. The only word to have no gender attached is 'prostitute'. Interestingly, society says that females are sluts if they are too sexual. Women are demeaned if they dress in a certain way, act too confident or have a healthy sex life. Yet, society says that if a man is not highly sexual, then he is not a real man. Men are told that something is wrong with them if they do not act like- well, like sluts.  So women are told they are sluts, and men are told to be real men. Does that sound right to you? Does that sound like gender equality?

So next time your called a slut. Laugh with them. Because the true facts are, society is has created this generalised, female only, degrading word to explain any type of sexual activity. You are an empowered female walking free of these labels, because they are not who you are. Don't let any male or female call you this, because it has never been true. Hold your head high, and laugh at them. Because they have got it so wrong.

Credit: http://theanimationcenter.tumblr.com/post/126709318698

The new Disney film, Moana, hit cinemas these Christmas holidays. She may not be the first POC (Princess of Colour), but she has definitely made a way for multiculturalism (and even feminism) where movies like Mulan, Aladdin and Pocahontas could not.

See unlike other Disney movies, Moana is steeped within the culture and traditions of the New Zealand people. Although it does carry a European viewpoint of the New Zealand people (Moana still has the thin body type accepted as beautiful in Western society), most of the movie holds true. There is a whole song completely in Kiwi (with no subtitles in the cinema that I watched it in) and Maui refers to himself as having a 'great bod' which is clearly not our skewed Western version of the thing. I am very proud of how this movie will bring racism one notch down for the older generations, and instil into the next generation the wonder, value and  truth of all cultures and perspectives.

I also loved the fact that Moana held true to herself, and was not exactly feminine in the way that she ran and jumped. She worked hard, was her own hero and did not have her story end with her prince riding to her rescue (sorry for the spoiler if you were hoping for that one). Also, Maui was not any less manly because he became a supportive role for her, he was still a man and showed that in how he protected her. But he also stepped down and allowed her to be the hero for her people.

Again and again Moana says that she is not a princess, but a chieftains daughter and a chieftain one day. She does not settle for the labels others try to demean her with, but constantly sets them right with her actions and words. She stands up for herself, admits when she needs help and is not afraid to be her own hero.

And, it has a hilarious rooster. What more can you ask for?

Thanks Disney, have to say this could be the best one yet. If we're talking about destroying social norms that is.