Turn on the tv.
What do you see?
Twilight - - two Europeans falling in love.
Me Before You- Two Europeans falling in love.
The Fault in our Stars- two European's falling in love.
Pride and Prejudice- two Europeans falling in love.
The Notebook- two Europeans falling in love.
Titanic - two Europeans falling in love.

See a pattern?

What does the media say about the 'rest of the world' (aka non-white)?
Australian media is all about stopping immigration, seeing different cultures as a threat to our society. Asians are seen as smart, but they steal our jobs.
Africans are seen as strong, but they must rape and murder.
Aboriginals are seen as Australian, but they are dole bludgers and dont contribute to the community.

And immigrants? Oh dear.
They want to bomb us.
They want to take over with their religions.
They want to simultaneously steal our jobs and rely on Centrelink (apparently thats possible? :D ).
They want to take control and bring over their families and communities to live here too.

How threatening. ;P

Now, into this world of the visually perfect European relationship and threatening different cultures enter me, white Aussie blonde girl with privilege, and the man I married- a shorter immigrant from the Philippines.

In our first year of dating I had my well-meaning friends and family make comments.
"Are you sure he isnt using you so he can live in Australia?"
"Dont think of bringing an Asian into the family"
"I just cant understand him, his accent is so strong"
"Are you sure he is genuine?"
"You know its a lot harder to be in a multicultural relationship, he wont ever understand you, and you wont understand him"
"Why dont you want to be with an Aussie?"

Disclaimer- we laugh about these comments now, we have all grown a lot in the last few years.

My relationship has been viewed as a sham, people notice us in public and are shocked when we mention we are married. The assumption that he is using me for a place to live, is a normal conversation I have to have.

But you know what? My relationship with him as been easier than I ever expected.
You know why?

Dating is about getting to know someone, building intimacy to see if you can be a strong couple together.
I had to go into dating knowing that I cannot assume anything about him, his ideas about life and his culture.
I was open as I asked every question about his childhood, his country, his experiences in highschool, how he perceives relationships, and his culture.
And as I got these answers, I felt hundreds of similarities. He was human, he knew what it felt like to be loved by his mum, judged by his highschool peers, he understood music the way I did, he understood faith the way I did.
I became more open-minded as I tried new foods, learnt how to be respectful to his parents and learnt some parts of his language.
My heart? It felt home.
I felt at home in his culture, I understood it and it made a lot of sense to me.
I enjoyed doing things differently, I enjoyed the adventure of seeing things the way he did.
And he felt the same way.
He learnt how to cook an Aussie barbecue, and watch the footy drinking beer. He learnt that my dad was a bit overprotective, that my family always got together to watch State of Origin, that we all worked at the family business.

We found many similarities,
and we embraced and loved our differences.

I love the way he sings to me, because filipino dating culture has a strong part of serenading (because of Spanish roots). I love how his culture is so respectful of others, the way they talk, they show they love and respect their elders- something Australian culture lacks.

He loves eating snags (sausages on a barbecue), and he loves the way I cook spagetti bolognese. He has taken to drinking beer, and loves our humour.

Being in a multicultural relationship is amazing. Its a fusing of the best of two different cultures. Its becoming more open minded to different ideas, and it means that our kids will be smarter because they will speak two languages.

Stop the judgy comments.
Get to know someone for who they are.
Learn about other cultures before you go labeling them "a threat".
Dont judge someone by their outward appearance.
The heart matters.
Love doesnt have a colour.

This is my husband. He is wonderful. Not only is he a lot of fun to be around, he is caring and unconditional in his love.
He is also shorter than me.
Is that a problem?
Its only a few centimetres difference, but unfortunately its a difference that most people notice,
and most people feel the need to comment on.
When my husband watches movies, he sees the buff, tall powerfully masculine hero go after the girl, win her heart and protect her against all odds.
Guess how that makes him feel.
:/
Shorter guys are told that its less likely for them to be in a fulfilling relationships. Shorter guys are unconsciously told that they cannot protect the women in their lives because they are not a tall unit. Shorter guys feel like second best, and women dont realise that they are inflicting it.







These need to stop.
Every tall guy DOES NOT need a short girl. He needs a girl who will love and accept him for who he is, which DOES NOT depend on height.
Stop trying to measure love in height differences.
Tip toe kisses are not the best kisses- the kiss as you marry your best friend thats the best kiss.
Love, sex, kisses, dates, perfect relationships ARE NOT based off of height differences.

The following conversation is one I had with a teenaged girl once.

"Do you like him?"
"Ah, no he is just a friend. He isnt my type."
"Why isnt he your type?"
"Im more into taller guys, to be honest".

Girls, stop looking at the shorter guys and writing them off just because of their height. Age is just a number, and so is your height.

Date the guys who care about you, who want you for who you are.
And be a girl who looks at guys for who they are, not how tall they are.

Hey guys!
So I have downloaded and tried a few apps to see how they would help with my high-functioning anxiety. Although they promise to boost your mental health, none of them are going to 'fix' (lol) you. They are just a support and for some people it may help. But the only way your gonna know is if you give them a go! Quick discloser - I have an IPhone, so I have not tested the andriod versions of these apps.

Here is my top 5 fighter apps.

No. 5 - 7 Cups
Free, anonymous, and confidential online text chat with trained listeners, online therapists and counselors.

https://www.7cups.com/

Choose your own listener, get online therapy in your anonymous private room, connect and talk to strangers in community chat groups, and make emotional wellness a daily habit by following your growth plan.




No. 4 - Project Toe

 This app has the same risks as 7 Cups, but what I loved about it is how you can join a support group, or start your own. All the people in your support group are struggling through the same mess, and understand where your coming from. The ones I joined were full of amazing people, and the leader posted daily reminders and encouragments, they all shared how they were feeling each day and commented on each others day to offer support.
The all round support from each person was incredible. You could make lifelong friends on this app.
Although it has the same risks as 7 Cups, there are multiple people in every support group, so if someone bullied or put you down, there would be someone else to stick up for you and have your back. So, I do see this as less threatening because there is the accountability to the group.

I give this app 4/5 stars.


No. 3 - What's Up?

What's Up? is a fantastic free app utilising some of the best CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) methods to help you cope with Depression, Anxiety, Anger, Stress and more! With a beautiful, modern design, simple heading and easy-to-follow methods, you can get to what helps you the most in seconds!



No. 2 - Vent



Express how you REALLY feel. Vent helps you connect to a supportive, positive, and understanding community, making it easy to share your true feelings with people around the world.

http://www.vent.co/


Ever get those intense emotions, but you feel like there not big enough to worry your friends and family with? Venting helps get out those emotions, gain a little support, and just feel heard when you just need to go on about that break up, that workplace bitch, highschool and uni stress, or anxiety. Vent has a whole colour coded sections of emotions, where you can easily find how your feeling, then write a couple of sentences as you vent that emotion. As soon as you have vented, someone might favourite your vent, or hug your vent. When your sad and you get three others hug you, gosh sometimes that kind of support can mean just as much as a real hug.

I used this app when I needed to get emotions off of my chest about the people closest to me. I knew they couldnt know how I felt, but I still needed to be able to say it to someone.

Using this app every day is awesome, but it can keep you in low moods. Most people are on there to vent negative emotions, and that can pull you down into your own low moods. So, I have learnt to be careful how much venting I do.

I absolutely love this app, and its my first go to suggestion for anyone with a mental illness. Being able to honestly, anonymously state how you are really feeling -priceless.

I do wish it was password protected though.

I rate this app, 5/5.



No. 1 - Pacifica


This is my all-time, absolutely favourite and great all rounder app for most things mental health. Its very much like whats up?, but with added meditation exercises, breathing exercises, and the ability to track your feelings with ease, and it comes with password protection. Thats right, you can add a 4 numeric passcode to enter this app, which means it keeps all your info private.

My favourite part of this app is the hope board. The hope board is where you can add quotes, happy moments and memories, until you have filled it with all these great things and go back a reflect on good times when your needing a pick up.

There is also a community on this app, different forums for different topics where you can anonymously post about how you cope, or a quote that people can add to your hope board, and specific help for bad days.

My second favourite part of this app is how you can explore your toxic thoughts and reinvent them. You write in how you are feeling, as much as you can about how you feel at that particular moment. Then a list of toxic thinking labels come up, and you go through what you have written and label each sentence. Then it will show you how you could rewrite those thoughts. Then those thoughts save, and you can go back to them at any time.

When you tell this app how you are feeling, it will immediatly give you a suggestion of what you can do to improve your mood. Whether its a certain meditation excercise or breathing excercise, it picks the perfect one for what you are needing. I have found this very helpful. The meditations are not too long at all, and quite easy to do inbetween classes or on the way to work.

This app sends you notifications asking you, 'How are you feeling?' also making you feel like you have somewhere to go that wont judge you but support you.

Obviously, for me this is a 5/5.


Thanks for reading this post! Let me know what your favourite mental health apps are in the comments! <3

Not everything works for everyone.
Not all encouragement turns out to be that encouraging at all.
For your healing, you are gonna need something different.
Your gonna need different coping strategies, different supports,
and a different kind of encouragement.
If you need a reason to keep breathing, here is a whole collection of thoughts and encouragements. Hopefully you can find one that would give you a glimpse of hope.

• writer_storyofalifeinterruptedThat they're a beautiful unique human being that deserves so much better than this suffering please get the help and support that you so deserve...... 👍💐
• tristanmichelle_Nothing gets better but we evolve and grow until those issues seem small. You'll find the reason to go on you just have to wait until it comes along. And until it does. Let that be your reason to go on.
• love_light_goodvibesJust come across your page and I like it. To do with this post, when I've been suicidal I didn't really want to hear any of the normal stuff people usually say. It just tends to aggravate the situation and belittle the other person. What I would do is just be there and listen. Let them talk and interject into the conversation from there. There's so many variables to this question it's a tough one. Good luck on your blog and journey.
• 3ninesjewelryI would tell them I love you and give them a hug🤗♥️🤗♥️🤗 & say to them I'm not leaving your side till you change your mind.

I introduce you this week to a beautiful lady called Ashley who suffers from ptsd. She shares some amazing gems of wisdom that come from her own experiences. Loved hearing her story! You can find her on Instagram, @littlebigstring. So, with great pleasure, here is Ashley.

Hi, my name is Ashley.  I grew up in New Orleans, LA and moved to Colorado in 2002.  Currently I live in Denver and have had a small private skincare practice for the past 6 years and also pursue a music and writing career.

About 10 years ago, after hurricane Katrina and my divorce, I was diagnosed with ptsd. Survivors guilt was a major symptom for me to know something was wrong.  Back then I didn't realize ptsd was a big deal and was still under the belief that everyone had anxiety and similarly dealt with pain.  I knew I needed help, but I was in denial about the diagnosis for 10 years until my symptoms grew unbearable to me and those around me.  Even though I was in counseling on and off, I didn't understand or embrace the ptsd, so therapy didn't help at first.

PTSD is annoying and recently I listened to a podcast about finding humor in depression, which is another one of the many symptoms of ptsd.  I can go from feeling fine, and then with one thought, smell, sight, noise, or emotion my whole world can crumble and I am instantly sent to a past moment in time where I am vividly reliving crippling pain and frightening sensations all over again.  Some days tolerating the symptoms are easy, some days there are no symptoms, other days I am a mess.  When you are in a state of ptsd it feels like you're not yourself.  In the podcast a lady was discussing how she named her depression Steve, which she felt was an annoying name.  I found that funny because I named my protective inner child Lucy months before I heard about Steve.

Unlike what many sources say, I believe there is a cure for ptsd.  Compassion from others and unconditional love from those you let into your heart are the only ways to happily survive and thrive in life.  If you have ever had a panic attack you know it is impossible to communicate your emotions or thoughts in that moment.  In some ways having ptsd isn't as bad as having to explain yourself around those that don't practice compassion or have the understanding of love. Without receiving love to heal, there are many coping mechanisms I have discovered such as: the practice of radical self love, bikram yoga and exercise, music and art, meditation, eating organic, reiki, drinking filtered water, cannabis, an animal companion, grounding skills, and nature. I do believe there is no need for prescription medication, just a healthy lifestyle!

I won't get into details here, but not everyone has lived to tell about a horrific experience.  Near death experiences can change your consciousness.  Unfortunately in north American society you have to die to be considered a victim.  Almost dying does not count, our society says "get up and brush yourself off... Keep going, don't play the victim role."  Sadly that is not how a person heals.  Healing from a traumatic event takes time.  About a year.
For me, I was diagnosed with PTSD but didn't understand how the symptoms were manifesting in my mind, body or spirit for many years.  I was never given a chance to completely understand, or just relax and heal.  I didn't reach survivor status until just recently.  I can finally talk about my downward spiral without crying.  Although looking back I can say I had an instinct that my life was growing difficult.  I felt misunderstood and I knew I needed a break.

Everyone's life story is unique. For mine it was about the fear element.  Fear was attached to every emotion.  I couldn't have happiness without untrust, love without jealousy or sadness without anger.  Even my dreams were filled with fear.  How do you tell someone to stop having a nightmare?  I silently suffered with the symptoms for years.  But the nightmares were causing me to wake up so tense that my stomach was developing ulcers and I was basically chewing a whole through the inside of my mouth in my sleep.

Sometimes in therapy, it is difficult to talk to licensed professionals about the dark side of trauma. To talk about my insights into suicide with a doctor can land me in the hospital by their discretion.  Even though I have never attempted suicide there are times my communication breakdown is unbearable.  Talk therapy actually taught me how to lie about my problems so that I wouldn't be judged or misunderstood. At times, therapy made my PTSD worse.

There are several modes of therapy for ptsd and I have probably tried them all.  The best one I found for me is called Rapid Response Therapy (RRT).  People process PTSD or any mood disorder differently and we are all on our own journey of healing.  Some people even embrace their ptsd and won't seek help because it gives them a sense of drama or being unique and eccentric.  It was the physical symptoms that made me want to get better.  The stomach ulcer from the amnesic nightmares had caused me to stop eating certain foods that I thought were the cause.  I had taken out dairy, gluten, spice, and sugar.  Side note, after RRT I have happily gone back to eating those things.  With RRT I was able to unravel the repressed memories enough to understand the cause of my trauma, which was not the hurricane or divorce.  The trauma turned out to be a fatal car accident 20 years ago.  The collision caused a concussion which then caused memory loss and forgetfulness.  I feel like the RRT pulled me out of a haze that clouded me ever since that accident.

For those with complex unexplainable suffering, I recommend a book.  It's called 'The Mission of Art' by Alex Grey.  I found comfort and validation in his concept that surviving a near death experience, no matter how traumatic or shameful, can actually elevate your consciousness.  This book made me feel understood.



Have a beautiful day,
Ashley @ Reveal

Here is an amazing interview with a father who struggles with bipolar disorder. You can find him on instagram @bipolardad1978, he shares his story today hoping that it can help and encourage you guys. I'm so excited to share this, it inspired me and gave me insight into what it is like to live with a bipolar disorder.


Tell us a little about yourself, what country you are from, where you live and who you are.
Hi my name is Adam. I'm 38 years old from the uk. I live in a small town called Kettering and I live with my 3 kids who live with me full time.

 Do you have any past pain that has held you back? How did you live with it?
I have some childhood issues one being a serious burn when I was very young from hot water filling a paddling pool in my family garden the strange thing being the lasting physical scars really don't cause any issues for me as they have always been a part of me in my whole living memory. There are other childhood memories that cause me more issues than this but not something that I'm going to go into right now. Suffice to say long term memories and issues have caused deep seated relationship issues and a lot of mistrust for people in positions of authority. It's bled into my work relationships and caused breakdowns of many personal relationships. I tried and live with it by locking it away but this caused things to get worse so you forgive but not forget and that's how I cope.

 What struggles do you face on a daily basis?
Every day is a struggle but it's not a struggle everyday, if that makes sense. I tried hard to be normal and fit in but eventually you have to let your true self talk. A few years ago I stopped pretending to be what I'm not and I think that has helped me manage my condition better. I've coped daily since around the age of 13 so I know my triggers and have some techniques I use to try and keep them manageable.

What mental illness(s) control your everyday life?
Bipolar disorder unspecified but rapid cycling. Although recently I have been looking in to the possibility it's BPD

 Since everyone is unique in the way they handle and are affected by mental illness, How does your mental illness(s) specifically affect you?

I'm affected a lot by anger, outbursts of hostility and sometimes being really rude or inappropriate. My disorder also means after an argument I will immediately snap back into happy mode usually and don't see a problem as I've dismissed the argument in my mind as necessary and not relevant as it's now done. Leaves other people hostile as in unpredictable. I suffer with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and all the other off shoots it entails.

What are your positive coping strategies?

I know how to get better and I have a strategy especially for big changes. I'm currently recovering from a relapse, due to previous experience I knew it was coming I felt the changes in my physical and mental health coming for a few months, I tried carrying on with work, running a home and daily living. But I was at the point of breaking down. So I had to take a step back from work. Remove myself fro the daily stressors that were bombarding me.
My coping plan is a few weeks rest getting my morning mind in a good place, reading, writing and listening to meditation. Then when I'm a little level I begin the physical recovery running and biking eating healthy and sticking to it as well as I can. I also draw a line in the sand and use the word No when thoughts run through my mind. Like a positive stopping mental mantra.

What activities help you disarm and fight your mental illness(s)?

Saying no to thoughts and feelings and saying no if I can't attend things and not feeling guilty about it and exercise to lift my mood it never fails, but also remembering that I will have off days and sometimes rest and self love are required.

Have you ever been to a counsellor/ psychologist/ psychotherapist? Do you felt it was a positive experience?
Physiologists have all been really poor and unhelpful. Spent years back and forth more and more meds I lost a year roughly where I slept constantly and pilled on weight constantly.
My best and life changing experience was through a volunteer counsellor at Kettering Mind. I was able to open up and relate and deal with things I believe to this day she saved my life.

 If you knew someone who was planning on committing suicide what would you say to them?

Simply it's your choice, you can choose or not choose to follow through with your actions. But the fact we are talking about it means that there is a chance we can find out why you are feeling there is no other option. Work out if we can change things to make life more bearable one day at a time. The last thing I would tell someone is don't do it. Because until we have spoken I don't pretend to know what's happening in your life and mind.

What would you say to others experiencing the same battles you face?
That you are stronger than you could ever know, maybe we were given these battles to face because we are strong enough to do it. Maybe you are doing this because someone else couldn't. Maybe everyone is battling something maybe you are not as alone as you think you are. Maybe by talking and opening up people will start telling you their stories and you can make a difference to their lives. Maybe just maybe we are here for each other for a reason

I am so grateful that you would share your story, Adam.  I was personally super encouraged by what you had to say, it helped me so I hope it helped some of you guys. If you are interested in sharing your story, please send me an email at: joshandmelsael@gmail.com.

Keep struggling <3

This is my personal story of how I came to realise I had high-functioning anxiety, to how I learnt to cope with it daily. 

"A person who experiences functional anxiety experiences remains able to move through daily activities without the burden of constant, severe anxiety," says clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly over email. "As such, an individual with functional anxiety may function and engage in life activities without the effects of anxiety being highly obvious. In fact, a person with functional anxiety may appear to be very calm. However, a person living with functional anxiety often finds that anxiety 'leaks out' in the form of nervous tics, perfectionism, over-achievement, or controlling habits." (Credit - https://www.bustle.com/p/11-signs-you-might-have-a-high-functioning-anxiety-disorder-dont-even-realize-it-38777). 

Part one cont.

That year when everything went bad...
I didnt understand myself, my emotions. I was confused. Hurt, not sure by what. And the smallest things sent my head spinning and my heart racing.

In that year I also went to counselling. I wanted so bad to get back to the healthy self I thought I was before my sickness. While I did counselling, I realised about how bad and negative my self talk was. I constantly told myself I wasnt good enough, that I was a failure, and that I had failed everyone in my life. My counsellor helped me realise that no one in my life had actually called me these things, and that I was the one putting massive expectations of myself.

In this year I also started dating my now husband, Joshua. He was very mentally strong, and very understanding. Many times he was the one I called as I was having a panic attack. He was the one who held me, and the only one who knew how much I cried. I honestly believe that God planned him to come into my life right at this moment, because without Joshua, and without his love I dont know where I would have gotten the strength to fight.

So, through counselling I learnt to control my self-talk, and I learnt to look after myself. I learnt breathing exercises and physical ways to stop an oncoming panic attack. I realised that the giant expectations I put on myself were stupid, and I started having a whole day each week where I would just rest. That was my job that day, my task. I bought bath bombs and learnt to relax for an hour in a bath. I started eating healthier, which gave me more energy and helped build my immune system back up.

My doctor told me that I would probably have glandular fever for the next five years, or even more. And I can tell you that because of the self care and the rest days I gave myself, that I got on top of my glandular fever very quickly, and it only flared up once in the last year.

Now, I use my tools daily. When I am at work and I feel myself getting stressed, I use my breathing exercises and make sure I take a bath when I get home. I reach out to my husband for hugs, and emotional support. He prays for  me, brings me back to reality when my negative self talk gets bad, and he keeps me on track when he sees I am getting tired.

And now, one of my biggest coping strategies is actually helping others. Since creating this blog and the instagram page, I feel like I am making a positive impact for a handful of people. And that calms me more than anything else I have ever done. It also helps me to not grow lazy in daily fighting my mental illness, because I know that I want to stay strong so I can keep helping you guys. So I keep looking after myself, so that I have enough to help others.